LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
