you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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