I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You ate ashes out of my bong
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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