hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
