my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
