it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize