very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
