My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
