Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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