Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
