You work out of a Hotel?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
