somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize