After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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