I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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