Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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