It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
