he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
