i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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