Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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