i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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