whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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