I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
