people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
