I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
