ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
