How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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