i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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