No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
