please come you make the beer taste better
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
