Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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