Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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