I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
