Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
