ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
