her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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