good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You can't just leave with hair like that
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
