our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
