i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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