Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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