yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
