it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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