The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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