Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
