Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
