i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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