You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
