we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize