Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
