I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
