Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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