i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
