absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
no, he came in my armpit
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
