at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I supernannyed him into submission
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
