all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
