Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
