you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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