Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
