I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
