i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
