Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
