READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize