It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
my liver is dry heaving
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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