Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
