So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
