I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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