wanna go halves on a baby?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
