I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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