I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize