Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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