dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
