I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
