WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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