Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
