I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
